A Disciple's Thread

[Candy]

yeh me to it was banging more opinions more art but keep doing your thing your bringing the guests in here

[NoNun2]

I’m so happy… yay!!!! This site has done so much for me to even accept my mental illness and giving me my own thread for outbursts - they should get funding from Nani for that shit. And it was pacs passion too… when they find out that he’s probably Jiceras father I think it will really flood @Candy

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I was 14 adoption of course if he didn’t get her… I don’t remember what happened I just remember a few seconds and us picking her name

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NAMI*

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Do you celebrate Halloween in Australia? You wanna hear something funny… the psych that brainwashed me fled to Austria after the Newtown baby massacre - he was his dr too @Candy

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Australia*

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I think that’s why my dad drank himself to death… because he allowed it by accident

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His sister is a psych so my entire family trusted them

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Including me… until one time in I patient I was telling the dr everything about my break and I looked up and saw my friend who was murdered and died on my lap shaking his head no

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Then I started to pay attention and THEY FUCKED UP and have NO LOVE for us

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If you look at Jiceras baby pic she look just like him… especially her lips - I put it on my profile unless you know how to post pics here

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I’m scared though cause I’m real incognito and don’t want the attention or questions or extra stress from it… I always preferred to blend in a crowd

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Unless I was safe with people who were heavy artillery

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@Candy look at my profile pic… you see it?

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I want to find her when I get better

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When I type in my name all the searches on adoption data bases go to Cali

[Candy]

Lol ur dr is a low life.. yeh I see ur profile pic..

Yeh we celb Halloween kids came by for candy yesterday so I filled em up lol

[NoNun2]

Written in 2019… things are much better now that he’s out pac

Dear Pac
Pac why nobody writing to you?
Next to me yelling or chasing me out of the room
He got busted that night and I learned to stay away
So who is that voice interrupting me when I pray
E 125th telling me Im a be alright
So why tonight am I still losing the fight
Im not even sure if I can trust you anymore
I heard the rumors, they saying I'm some coke whore
How he don't even care, it really wasn't a bluff - was it?
I guess being unprepared mostly does it
I burned out 3 stars wishing so hard and it feel like god don't even care
When I went on to check and he wasn't even there
I couldn't do anything but stare
You told me he didn't care
I didn't wanna wake up even though it was curry
I heard, heard I died, said ok and rushed in a hurry
I didn't survive them shots
Cause after shit just got worse
And I'm so sick of living the side of the cursed
How they can make me feel so sick this easy
Tapping and tracing and posing I rather be back where the Ds be
I ain't scared of jail no more...
The pain, the physical pain I get practically every night
Back then I'd shake it off and said I don't care I was with god when they'd make fun of my plight


Even my God left me, I can't understand anymore
Yeah Pac, I was talking mad shit to satan banging down his door
What we even here for?
The hissing and tizzing the letting go of my wheel screaming
Popping all this shit cause they heard I was a demon
Then how that be my peace and comfort be gone
I been said I'm not going to make it but I ain't even do no wrong
I don't deserve that trick to lay in peace with one that hates me
Or forced to live this sick shit while strangers debate how I see
They have me in so deep I have no clue who to trust
They trade my peace and comfort for pain and add addiction their must
Talking about a good fella that catch a raw deal
What the fuck am I even still here for, really my real


I know God is listening I burned out 3 stars wishing so hard
But I never get what I ask for ever since I shot down in that yard
Not that I ever really did before, on our side we don't get what we need
Only what is going to hurt more
And I don't even know how I'm a sleep now
Like always just when things get better, we just on the reverse - how?
Right now I could give a fuck about this earth
And I'm tired of them degrading my self worth
They swear its so easy and I'm so quick to forgive
How much longer God do I have to live

I'll never get over them raping me
I can care less about them taping me
I guess it's for the weak cause I just can't get past it
Then to add the extra right after I blasted it
I ain't ever get a friend, or anyone to understand me
And I'm starting to realize its cause my birth dads family
Well he's dead, and pac you are too
I don't care if I have to do it by myself, conviction on this genocide past due

So tell them keep laughing and proving all that you can do
I don't feel so stupid, virgin is sacred in our blood - so what? Es tu and fuck you then too
Maybe the pattern was just repeating the first
I never had to care less over more but nah I ain't them tricks quenching their thirst
I'm so confused I thought at first finally it all made sense
But he never came back for me and I been fucked up ever since

[NoNun2]

He never left me… but I just don’t understand why he made it seem one way when it was another… or was that just the way god kept me safe until…

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Well pac kept me safe*

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Something seriously happened when I was allegedly shot… they kicked my ass up and down the east coast and it wasn’t even me that did anything to deserve that

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Tired of being the victim then being punished for it too

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If they were a real God - they wouldn’t have made that mistake

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You’re HUMAN just like the rest of us

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Maybe when they tell my mother the truth or does she snap then?

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I was 14 my dad didn’t fuck up trusting the them.. he did what he thought was best for me and was trying to get jicera back in our lives that birthday I was drugged and had to go inpatient because they accused me of suicide

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A week before I was 14 but you love to throw that in too… because I lied about my age and got punished for that I made it a point NOT TO LIE UNLESS I HAVE TO

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It actually made me not a liar

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I hope to get better and find her, but I do need help… I don’t even know where to begin… I just know you put on your mask before you put on your kids so you BOTH don’t die

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I got to learn to shut up… but I need some reality please

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Not delete and move on

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I can’t stand when I fall into their manipulation and control… now I see it

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How about you just tell me to my face what’s up - ever try that one?